An older, wise woman friend of mine likes to say to me, when I am going on and on about being annoyed with this,or that “Did you do the repair?”. So often when something bothers us, stirs something up, it is pushing a button, returning us to an ancient hurt. But so often, too, the complaining and the kvetching is because we want to ignore our own part in things, our responsibility. But, we can only control our own actions and reactions. So, do the repair, and be released.

At least that’s what I thought she meant, was certain I’d understood which koan she was referring to, until this week.

There was a great tutorial in Martha Stewart and my husband’s favorite (silk and cashmere lusciousness!) sweater had a rent under the arm. And so I made my first non-sock darning repair ever. I had to go slowly, and I misread the directions the first time and I had to start over, and it is almost invisible. I got to hold that soft sweater in my hands and work with it for a while, and had the blessing of that warm orange color on these gray days.

The repair itself made me so happy. Not the benefits,not the results, just the act.